Nothing is hopeless.
Nothing is broken beyond repair.
Nothing has been done that cannot be forgiven.
Nothing can separate you from the love of Christ.
Who you are now is not the person you always have to be.
What you have done does not define you, the love of the Messiah, Jesus, defines you.
You are worth more than abuse.
You are worth more than your mistakes!
You are worth the blood of the son of the living God!
Don't let Satan weigh you down with doubt and fear!
Gather your courage, cast off what has been holding you back and run for the cross!
Don't look back, just trust. Trust God.
In sin you were a slave, in your mistakes you are chained. In the love and salvation of Christ your chains hit the ground. Jesus frees you from your mistakes, He frees you from your shame, He frees your mind, He frees your heart from pain, He frees your soul from death!
NOTHING is too big! Your ocean of worry is a puddle at the feet of the Almighty God!
He has a voice like thunder and creation bows at His command, and that same voice is calling YOU home. God wants YOU. All of you.
He is ABLE!
God is going to fulfill every promise to you. Don't give up on God because God won't give up on you. God is not a man that he should lie. He is on the way. He's standing by. If you know it say He is able!
Today's blog is inspired by this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkaFVCd_zf0
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
9 Nutty Years ...or... The Importance of Selflessness
Tonight I'm laying in bed watching Everybody Loves Raymond in my nice clean room. Everything's been disinfected from our 70th round of illnesses this fall, it smells wonderful and Lysol-ly. Kitchen's clean. Living room's clean. Laundry is half done (this is a big deal as I typically only do a big round of laundry once a month and random loads during the week. I refer to the former task). My children have worn me out this weekend. We kicked things off with a fun IHop breakfast yesterday and went out with a Nick Jr and cereal marathon this evening. We've chased, talked, built a fort of quilts on the bunk bed, did school work, read, laughed, told knock knock jokes, called Daddy every two minutes and dealt with Levi's "eye farmer" growing the crop of corn that looks suspiciously like pink eye to me (round 71 of illness). In between I've cleaned everything and disinfected it all. And somehow, here I lay in bed... nothing to do. Nobody to talk to, as Jon called around 8 my time to say goodnight. Kids are sleeping. Dogs are knocked out on the bed with me. Peace and quiet. Yep.
This sucks. I hate having no one to talk to. No wait. I hate not having my husband to talk to. I did much better last year while he was away, I adjusted. Knowing he will be back in 15 hours makes it harder to be content. I have no one to do our normal do nothing with and he's so close to coming home which makes me feel extra chatty.
This January marks our 9th wedding anniversary. April marks 10 years I've been with the man. Gosh, to be 18 and elope. How crazy. I see 18 year olds now and it makes me laugh, you really know nothing (and I'm sure my Dad looks at me at 27 and thinks the same thing). I don't recommend this to ANYONE. At all. Someone asked my advice as a 18 year old fiancee, thinking I would lend my support to her decision. I think my reaction was, "Listen to your parents, you're too young." But hey at that age, when you make up your mind, no one is going to talk you out of it. Why?
You want what you want when you want it. You are still used to living with your parents and being taken care of which makes you selfish, through no fault of your own. Everyone is at that age. I was. You have made up your mind to be a bride/groom and that's it. That's why any marriage fails I think, selfishness. But that's just my opinion. I was too selfish at 18 to love my husband (boyfriend at the time) enough to walk away. If I had loved him with a selfless love I would have recognized that by marrying him so young I was robbing him of a lot of experiences and practically guaranteeing tough times ahead. If I had loved him selflessly, I would have waited to see where the next few years would take us. But...I was 18, and selfish.
Selfishness is something I continued to struggle with for the next ohhh...4 years or so. Tragically, selfish people don't know they are selfish. They think they are wise and doing what's best for everyone involved and they can tick off twenty reasons why they aren't selfish they're smarter than you. Anyway...for four years I sucked at marriage. For four years I clung to what I like to call "worldview" - worldview tells you to be a strong woman and not let your husband do this that or the other. Worldview tells you to pick every battle. Worldview tells you that everything has to mean something! Worldview tells you that you must form unshakable opinions and change the world!! Worldview tells you there are things called "dealbreakers" in marriage.
Then the rug got pulled out from under me. In a BIG way. I was humbled by God. And I realized that my husband was the only person I had. The end.
Selfless love demands that you put your head down and push on. My 18 year old self was all about "follow your heart!" My 27 year old self knows I may feel one thing one day and another emotion another day. I know my heart only wants to follow what's easiest and makes it happy. But what makes it happy is sometimes extremely harmful to the person I'm married to. So, you need to build your foundation on what God says you need to do. No matter how you're feeling. This has gotten me through the last 5 years with success.
It's been a hard, wonderful, ridiculous, crazy, tons of work 9 years. At 18 I thought, and they lived happily ever after. Today I think... and they lived through it all, failed and succeeded, messed up and made it right, together after.
Let me not sell myself too short. I married a man who possessed qualities that would one day (I'm pretty sure by luck and not by 18 year old wisdom) save me from myself. He and I had growing up to do, but not a ton. We strengthen each other, we learn from each other....and all of that has to do with the fact that we have very similar senses of humor and God. We don't take things too seriously, we're both Pollyanna'd about life (young folks, that's where you can see the good in almost everything), and we never put our marriage out there in that obnoxious sort of way. We have never claimed to know how to make a marriage work because there isn't a formula. There are seasons of our marriage where we frustrate the heck out of each other... but instead of throwing in the towel we push forward.
Nine years later I have this to show for my marriage: two gorgeous, wonderful children who are the stars in my crown... and a man who makes the ordinary sweeter than honey. For nine years I've been by his side, putting away his underwear, cooking him dinner, raising his children, helping him find the car keys I misplaced again, sitting next to him in the church pew, apologizing, laughing and yeah, even arguing. I wouldn't trade a moment of it for the world because each day our relationship ripens a little sweeter on the tree. I love it all, I love the bads and the goods. I love it because it's us.
Worldview tells you to chase perfection and equality in your marriage. Godview has taught me it's ok to fall asleep with your two year old between you and barf on your shirt. Godview has taught me it's ok to be a servant to him and to my family (no guys not like french maid). The most important ministry I will ever pursue is within the walls of my home. My sweet mother in law taught me this.
For thirty one years she was married to the world's most imperfect person. But she loved every second of it. She covered him, she gave everything she had to her family. She didn't have a job with prestige, she wasn't famous, she wasn't wealthy. She was selfless. She gave it all to her family and laid her treasure in heaven. Today there is a legacy in all of us whose lives she touched. I've never been more content as I am today. Knowing that by serving my family and laying my treasures in heaven I am investing in the things that will last.
Thank God he comes home tomorrow.
This sucks. I hate having no one to talk to. No wait. I hate not having my husband to talk to. I did much better last year while he was away, I adjusted. Knowing he will be back in 15 hours makes it harder to be content. I have no one to do our normal do nothing with and he's so close to coming home which makes me feel extra chatty.
This January marks our 9th wedding anniversary. April marks 10 years I've been with the man. Gosh, to be 18 and elope. How crazy. I see 18 year olds now and it makes me laugh, you really know nothing (and I'm sure my Dad looks at me at 27 and thinks the same thing). I don't recommend this to ANYONE. At all. Someone asked my advice as a 18 year old fiancee, thinking I would lend my support to her decision. I think my reaction was, "Listen to your parents, you're too young." But hey at that age, when you make up your mind, no one is going to talk you out of it. Why?
You want what you want when you want it. You are still used to living with your parents and being taken care of which makes you selfish, through no fault of your own. Everyone is at that age. I was. You have made up your mind to be a bride/groom and that's it. That's why any marriage fails I think, selfishness. But that's just my opinion. I was too selfish at 18 to love my husband (boyfriend at the time) enough to walk away. If I had loved him with a selfless love I would have recognized that by marrying him so young I was robbing him of a lot of experiences and practically guaranteeing tough times ahead. If I had loved him selflessly, I would have waited to see where the next few years would take us. But...I was 18, and selfish.
Selfishness is something I continued to struggle with for the next ohhh...4 years or so. Tragically, selfish people don't know they are selfish. They think they are wise and doing what's best for everyone involved and they can tick off twenty reasons why they aren't selfish they're smarter than you. Anyway...for four years I sucked at marriage. For four years I clung to what I like to call "worldview" - worldview tells you to be a strong woman and not let your husband do this that or the other. Worldview tells you to pick every battle. Worldview tells you that everything has to mean something! Worldview tells you that you must form unshakable opinions and change the world!! Worldview tells you there are things called "dealbreakers" in marriage.
Then the rug got pulled out from under me. In a BIG way. I was humbled by God. And I realized that my husband was the only person I had. The end.
Selfless love demands that you put your head down and push on. My 18 year old self was all about "follow your heart!" My 27 year old self knows I may feel one thing one day and another emotion another day. I know my heart only wants to follow what's easiest and makes it happy. But what makes it happy is sometimes extremely harmful to the person I'm married to. So, you need to build your foundation on what God says you need to do. No matter how you're feeling. This has gotten me through the last 5 years with success.
It's been a hard, wonderful, ridiculous, crazy, tons of work 9 years. At 18 I thought, and they lived happily ever after. Today I think... and they lived through it all, failed and succeeded, messed up and made it right, together after.
Let me not sell myself too short. I married a man who possessed qualities that would one day (I'm pretty sure by luck and not by 18 year old wisdom) save me from myself. He and I had growing up to do, but not a ton. We strengthen each other, we learn from each other....and all of that has to do with the fact that we have very similar senses of humor and God. We don't take things too seriously, we're both Pollyanna'd about life (young folks, that's where you can see the good in almost everything), and we never put our marriage out there in that obnoxious sort of way. We have never claimed to know how to make a marriage work because there isn't a formula. There are seasons of our marriage where we frustrate the heck out of each other... but instead of throwing in the towel we push forward.
Nine years later I have this to show for my marriage: two gorgeous, wonderful children who are the stars in my crown... and a man who makes the ordinary sweeter than honey. For nine years I've been by his side, putting away his underwear, cooking him dinner, raising his children, helping him find the car keys I misplaced again, sitting next to him in the church pew, apologizing, laughing and yeah, even arguing. I wouldn't trade a moment of it for the world because each day our relationship ripens a little sweeter on the tree. I love it all, I love the bads and the goods. I love it because it's us.
Worldview tells you to chase perfection and equality in your marriage. Godview has taught me it's ok to fall asleep with your two year old between you and barf on your shirt. Godview has taught me it's ok to be a servant to him and to my family (no guys not like french maid). The most important ministry I will ever pursue is within the walls of my home. My sweet mother in law taught me this.
For thirty one years she was married to the world's most imperfect person. But she loved every second of it. She covered him, she gave everything she had to her family. She didn't have a job with prestige, she wasn't famous, she wasn't wealthy. She was selfless. She gave it all to her family and laid her treasure in heaven. Today there is a legacy in all of us whose lives she touched. I've never been more content as I am today. Knowing that by serving my family and laying my treasures in heaven I am investing in the things that will last.
Thank God he comes home tomorrow.
Monday, December 5, 2011
The Ground Your Feet Stand Upon
When the world is so uncertain. Really trying to cope with the goodbyes right now. Since I was a kid I've had issues with goodbyes. I don't like when things change. Yet my life is ever-changing. I feel like I am never in one constant for more than a few years, or in some cases, a few days.
Even though I know the world is changing I know where my feet are planted. I know God is holding me up and whispering His truth, even through the uncertainty.
My proclamation is this... God and God alone, through His son, the Messiah-- Jesus Christ-- has saved me. He continues to come for my heart. He never leaves me forsaken. He is my only constant. He is my only savior. Even through my worst, most ugly mistakes, He came for me. Not only did He deliver me from the wilderness, but He walked with me every step of the way. He is truth for my heart.
If I never have an opportunity to build my ministry I won't stop proclaiming this. If it's tiny little tiles on the mosaic of someone's faith, I will be at peace with this. I don't need anything official. God has given me more. I'll just keep going.
I have no regrets. I couldn't be more sure of my ground—the One I've trusted in can take care of what He's trusted me to do right to the end. 2 Timothy 1:12
Monday, November 21, 2011
More than loss...
All I can think to pray today is that when the world sees me stumble or fall that you may also see the victory of Jesus over my life when I stand back up again. Each time I'm knocked down I promise you I will get back up again, stronger in the belief that God will make it right. I don't care if I fall once or one million times. I've come to learn that a life of extreme limitless faith is one that also invites Satan to knock you down, but let me profess that my God is bigger than the fall. He fought the long and weary battle for my soul, carried me out of my ignorance and changed my hardened heart. I've seen what he's taken me through, and I know where He will deliver me to. He has given me His precious and loving son and the Holy Spirit as a deposit until he comes back for me. I refuse to let Satan steal the joy that fills my life because of my Deliverer, the Prince of Peace, the Mighty God. I know that one day I will hold another child in my arms. I refuse to believe that I won't. I reject the doubt.
See my faith and see my God. He is mighty and unbreakable.
Love to all...
one of the daughters of the Most-High God.
2-4Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
5-8If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open. 1 James 1:2-8 (the Message)
1 Peter 1 (The Message)
1-2I, Peter, am an apostle on assignment by Jesus, the Messiah, writing to exiles scattered to the four winds. Not one is missing, not one forgotten. God the Father has his eye on each of you, and has determined by the work of the Spirit to keep you obedient through the sacrifice of Jesus. May everything good from God be yours!A New Life
3-5What a God we have! And how fortunate we are to have him, this Father of our Master Jesus! Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we've been given a brand-new life and have everything to live for, including a future in heaven—and the future starts now! God is keeping careful watch over us and the future. The Day is coming when you'll have it all—life healed and whole. 6-7I know how great this makes you feel, even though you have to put up with every kind of aggravation in the meantime. Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it's your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.
8-9You never saw him, yet you love him. You still don't see him, yet you trust him—with laughter and singing. Because you kept on believing, you'll get what you're looking forward to: total salvation.
10-12The prophets who told us this was coming asked a lot of questions about this gift of life God was preparing. The Messiah's Spirit let them in on some of it—that the Messiah would experience suffering, followed by glory. They clamored to know who and when. All they were told was that they were serving you, you who by orders from heaven have now heard for yourselves—through the Holy Spirit—the Message of those prophecies fulfilled. Do you realize how fortunate you are? Angels would have given anything to be in on this!
A Future in God
13-16So roll up your sleeves, put your mind in gear, be totally ready to receive the gift that's coming when Jesus arrives. Don't lazily slip back into those old grooves of evil, doing just what you feel like doing. You didn't know any better then; you do now. As obedient children, let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God's life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness. God said, "I am holy; you be holy." 17You call out to God for help and he helps—he's a good Father that way. But don't forget, he's also a responsible Father, and won't let you get by with sloppy living.
18-21Your life is a journey you must travel with a deep consciousness of God. It cost God plenty to get you out of that dead-end, empty-headed life you grew up in. He paid with Christ's sacred blood, you know. He died like an unblemished, sacrificial lamb. And this was no afterthought. Even though it has only lately—at the end of the ages—become public knowledge, God always knew he was going to do this for you. It's because of this sacrificed Messiah, whom God then raised from the dead and glorified, that you trust God, that you know you have a future in God.
22-25Now that you've cleaned up your lives by following the truth, love one another as if your lives depended on it. Your new life is not like your old life. Your old birth came from mortal sperm; your new birth comes from God's living Word. Just think: a life conceived by God himself!
Monday, November 14, 2011
Joy, Happiness, Negativity and Facebook.
Do you know the difference between joy and happiness? There's a difference. Read on to find out what it is!
I love facebook. It is a really awesome way for me to keep up with all my friends and family who live far away, and for a mom who is largely stuck in the house it provides me a way to interact with the outside world. It can be fun, funny, encouraging and uplifting. Yes, sometimes it sure can. But mostly (unfortunately) facebook comes with a price... you get a very powerful and unpleasant super power. The power to read people's minds. It makes me impressed with some and disappointed in others. It makes me laugh at the inner comic in a lot of people (who knew quiet so-and-so was funny?) and shake my head with how quickly people can sink to a nasty level.
It can infect people faster than a walk through a 19th century tuberculosis ward. If it plants the infectious negativity seed in your heart, it can root a plant that flowers with anger, insensitivity, meanness, judgement, hopelessness, discontent, and rudeness. With the click of a mouse not only can you post a snarky wall post about your neighbor, but you can post a plethora of negative news stories from various websites. You can post a song about how much life sucks. Before long you have dozens of "likes" on one of these things from people who feel the same way.
You can announce "I'm doing some major cleaning of my friends list, some of you people are out of here!" and then maybe five-ten minutes later post, "well if you can read this post you made the cut! You're still my friend!" ... wow... what a wonderful way to either make people beg for your friendship or feel really bad when you delete them.
You can vent your emotion so easily...
Bad day at work? "MY BOSS IS FROM HELL!"
Breakup with your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse: "I can do better than you dirtbag!" (It's really hard for me to write something nastier, bear with me, but you know--- you have read something along those lines)
Or ...no need to raise your hand, have you ever read (or posted) : "AGH! I just spilled a Wendy's frosty on my crotch! FML!" (Forget my life... the somewhat kinder sister of what most people mean, which is F*** my life!) So you're saying your life is worthless.
How many times a day do we read: I hate __________.
Not clear enough? Breathe easy--you always have the option of posting a nasty picture or sign.
One of my favorite Facebook techniques is the following: a status that simply says " :( " Obviously you're upset...am I supposed to ask? Am I not supposed to ask? Am I supposed to like this? What this says to me is pay attention to me please but be utterly confused as to what I mean. Usually what I post back is this: :) But it isn't long before someone has posted below me: What's wrong? and soon it comes out --- everything from I'm out of milk to I got into a car accident... but I definitely need to air this in front of everyone. I'm not sure how I feel about this but since I have the forum, let me just ask... can we get together and agree to elaborate or just hold it in?
Facebook can give you the illusion those profiles aren't connected to real people. It makes it easy for us to vent. Here's the problem with venting... when you vent to someone like a close friend or a husband, most of the time they can see the whole picture (a rough day, a series of rough days, striking out time and time again) on Facebook people don't see that. What we see is: "Going to visit my Grandma!" and later, "My family is so messed up! I hate them!" Pretty soon distant great-aunt Sally sees this and gets upset and calls Grandma and says, "Hey, Marcy just posted on Facebook that she hates you!" Maybe what really happened was that drunk Uncle Billy came and did something silly and it was really aggravating and made you mad, but what we all just saw was Marcy hates Grandma. That seed of negativity blossomed into anger which got picked and placed in the vase of drama.
Emotion is real. It's intense, it gets the better of us. Maybe it's only a flash and in a few minutes, hours, days, it's over. It's easy to move on. But when it's put on display in the forum of Facebook, guess what, it's there to be referenced for all eternity. Even if you delete it because we all have that sweet print screen function and pretty soon your private thoughts are being laughed at by millions on Failbook, and now your negativity has just reached exponential levels.
I'm not trying to single any one person out at all... I'm not trying to anger someone.... but I am trying to point out that your powers can be used for evil OR for good.
This is my resolution... From this day forward I'm not posting anything negative. My thoughts, no matter it be in what I like or what I say, will be rephrased to show the positive. Even if I'm disappointed or angry. Instead of venting, I will simply say, "wow today was really discouraging, prayers please." If my emotion ever specifically involves another person (especially if I am friends with them on Facebook) I am not going to post it unless it's positive. Period. No exceptions.
I will keep my snarkiness to a minimum.
I will not post articles or thoughts on politics (or comment or like others thoughts)... it's just annoying to those who don't agree with my opinions, it's confusing for those who don't share my moral beliefs, and it's just boring to a lot of people.
I am not going to post any song, video, or picture that is negative.
I'm not going to make any broad generalizations--- because as soon as you make a generalization about restless leg syndrome, one of your friends for sure will be hurt because they, too, suffer from RLS.
I'm not going to criticize others, reprimand others or argue with others on Facebook. If I have a problem, I'm going to be woman enough to go see that person face to face and make it right.
I'm not going to post an article that can lead to people assessing "the problem of the world today" or "the problem with this generation or that generation" .... why? because your opinion will be offensive to someone. I guarantee it.
I'm going to make my wall a positive place, a place of encouragement.
Examine your own profile, I challenge you... are you guilty of perpetuating a negative feeling? I am sometimes. Are you guilty of using facebook for just fluff? (Justin Bieber is so hot!) There's nothing wrong with fluff, but what if we used it to achieve a purpose?
My friends Facebook can be a really powerful tool for a Christian (or just a positive person for that matter). With one click you can plant a seed of positivity. One that can bloom into thankfulness, grace, joy, kindness, peace, encouragement, comfort, love, strength.
Happiness is a good, fleeting feeling. Joy is a perpetual emotion. One comes from something light and momentary, one comes from the one above (I believe, anyway). The more we find ways to uplift each other, the more people know the nature of God. God is not out to zap people with lightning bolts... God is at the very core joy. God is love.
Friday, November 11, 2011
favorite things part 1! (for the ladies or for clueless husbands who buy for the ladies)
It's almost the Holiday season, and most certainly, it is the time of the year when you begin your Christmas shopping. I came across an article on Oprah's favorite things... I always like to peruse what her selections are and this year I was super disappointed. Mostly because I can't really afford anything on the list (265 dollars for pajamas? 458 dollars for a robe? a robe?!) So I'm making my own list, with things within my budget... and if they're within my budget they are probably within yours. So enjoy! And remember, by following this list, you'll also be as cool as this chick (or lame, you know, either/or).
A Beautiful Life Hair- Honey do Shampoo ($30 set)
For: Your sister, your aunt, your wife, your girlfriend, your mom...anyone who is a sucker for retro animal packaging (like me) and a yummy honey scent. And it's sulfate free, guaranteed to keep your un-natural, but still fabulous, flaming red hair bright. Plus it's 30 dollars, so to me that qualifies this as a gift...not a stocking stuffer. ;)
For: Any woman whose feet are perpetually cold, like mine.
These slippers are on my feet right now and I wear them all day everyday while I am in the house. They are warm, ultra soft and the sequins are super cute. Plus, they are machine washable which is a plus when your kids toss one in the toilet. Great stocking stuffer!
Puff the Magic Dragon Bookends ($39, Barnes and Noble)
For: Anyone who likes kitschy/campy/totally awesome decor in their home. Puff the Magic Dragon enthusiasts.
I love these, wouldn't they look awesome on your bookshelf? I think so. Jackie Paper is on the other side too!
Silver Personalized Birthstone Necklace - ($29-35 Pottery Barn Kids)
For: Moms with impeccable taste.
Husbands, sons, daughters... this is an investment piece. Meaning, you buy the components separately. I know, I don't really love that either. But, it is a really tasteful, elegant piece of jewelry. Silver initial pendants (of her kids) and birthstone charms takes this beyond "some necklace" and gives it meaning. She'll love it.
Rocky Top Soap ($6 per bar)
For: Women who want a great skincare product
Unscented, all natural, handmade soaps manufactured by a bearded man from Maine (this is how I know it's legit). I love bar soap, it's the only thing that keeps my skin soft, clear (no zits), and it's actually better for you (bacteria grows in your shower gel bottle, no joke). This will leave your skin softer than it's ever been, which is important if you live in Arizona or just for the winter months. I love the Pumpkin and Carrot soaps, but there is a ton of choices.
Jean Arthur Comedy Collection - ($34.99)
For: All Women, Everywhere.
Are you sick of seeing half-naked actresses getting by on their looks? Escape to a time when talent was necessary and fall in love with Jean. Jean is one of my top five favorite actresses (Jean Arthur, Irene Dunne, Barbara Stanwyck, Rosalind Russell, Lucille Ball). I fell in love with her after watching her performance in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington and You Can't Take it With You. Show your woman that you can make an intelligent gift choice this year. These movies are a great starter to introduce her to one of the greatest actresses of all time.
For: the crafter!
I am an enthusiastic crocheter myself, but for a moment let me just talk about the wonder that is Cath Kidston. I love everything in the store. Everything. Buy me anything from there, down to the wallpaper and I will be guaranteed to love you for life. Why? Cath Kidston is the perfect amount of homespun, whimsy, and retro. All things that are basically synonyms for my name. These sewing baskets are great, but I also love the kits. Why? Because I want to see all women get in touch with their inner crocheter.
Classically Cool Sunglasses ($11.99)
For: Anyone who wants to rock a look like this blogger.
These are my exact sunglasses... except mine are lavender (and kind of cooler!) but nonetheless, I love these!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Somewhere...
Day after tomorrow I get to go home to see my mother and my sister. :) It's been two years coming, and I am so thankful that the Lord is blessing me with the trip.
I've been thinking today about loss and gain. I've lost a great many things in a year. But in a year I've gained a great many things. The dearest of which is the knowledge that the love of my Father is always surrounding me. It follows me and carries me along. No one can separate us.
There are things in this life that you can pursue that will bring momentary steadiness of nerves, momentary satisfaction. But God surrounds us with a peace that repeats and repeats His love. Each moment that passes is a continued pledge over you, that no matter where you are He deeply loves you. How blessed I can consider myself that He continues to hold me close to Him and knows me better than I know myself.
I love my husband, I love my children, I love my family, all are from my Father. He has fixed what is broken beyond what any physician can heal.
When I was a little girl, I loved the movie the Wizard of Oz. I dreamed of going over the rainbow like Judy Garland and being in a place of peace, somewhere prepared just for me. I know, and can rest happily in the knowledge that as long as my faith and love of Christ continues there is that place for me. A place in heaven with my Father, and a place where I will only ever know love. I know I have two twin girls there waiting for me. I know those of my family who've gone on before me are there.
I know that the son of God, Jesus Christ, is there. The One who gave it all for me, so that I may be where He is.
And when you think about it, how can there ever be loss when you have gained it all?
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! - 1 John 3:1
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Baxter
A few months ago I went to the church building to learn how to make gumbo from a guy who is from Louisiana. In the course of the day I learned the recipe, but also found out the man's girlfriend was moving and looking to get rid of her Australian Shepherd-Australian Cattle Dog mix. His name was B-Boy. I was interested in getting another dog for our sweet girl Gracie.
Gracie is a red and white border collie. We've had her for about 8 and 1/2 years. She's a great dog, but keeps mostly to herself and prefers the company of other dogs to other people.
B-boy came to live with us in April. He was extremely cautious and hadn't had much socialization. Since he had been neutered too early and peed nervously a lot, I was informed he spent pretty much all of his time outside and had been since he was born (he was 8 months old). I was advised to keep him as an outside dog because he was also not very bright and very destructive and liked to chew. I was a little nervous but found him a little funny.
He growled at me a little from the arms of his previous master but something about his sweet face made me want to laugh at him. He clearly had an ego problem and no size to back it up. After the previous owners left him with me, relieved because "he's a lot of work" but also nervous looking as they left, B-boy sniffed out his new digs. I tried to get him to come to me but he was skittish and wouldn't bother. I was also told B-boy did not like food--- dog food, people food or treats and would be difficult to feed. I tried feeding him one of his treats in the hopes of building trust but he spit it out. I looked at the organic nutro-nutrious green puppy treats. I would have spit that out too. I had just made my kids some microwaved kettle corn and tossed him a piece. He sniffed it and came right over. And pretty soon, B-boy and I bonded.
All of a sudden, I realized B-Boy was much more than the dog they said he was. He was incredibly intelligent. He was virtually housebroken by the second day, and would not leave my side. Any where I went this bouncy little dog followed, even to the bathroom. From day one, I refused to leave him outside. He didn't like spending time out there except to chase Gracie or go to the bathroom. His favorite place to sleep was on top of my legs in our bed (which I've never had a dog want to do before). He was incredibly affectionate and I realized a better name for him would have been Velcro. We bonded very quickly. My husband and I decided that B-Boy just wasn't the best name for him, it was too aloof and not personal enough for this warm and affectionate boy. And so we renamed him Baxter (yes, after that Baxter, from Anchorman).
We spent most of our time together. If I washed dishes, Baxter laid on my feet as I did them. If I watched tv, Baxter sat with me and watched tv. Even right now, as I blog, Baxter is laying on the bed next to me in front of my crochet bag. He is without a doubt, the big furry band-aid on my soul. Baxter brought me this one day over the summer. I really believe he knows I love birds ( if you know me, you know why) and one morning he brought this to me, laid it at my feet and wagged his tail with pride "Here Mom I made this out of macaroni for you!" I was honestly touched by his gift. He even dug a hole for me to bury it in.
I can't help but wonder, what was Bax's life like before us? This dog was absolutely nothing like the one that had been described to me. The other owners had to choose between him and another dog which one they would keep, and which one they would give away. I have to wonder... why would they ever want to get rid of him, he is the best dog a girl could have!
A lot of dogs I know think they are people, but I've never met a dog who is more happy to be a dog and yet has more affection like a little boy. He fits in right with our kids and plays with them for hours a day. He needs them, he needs us. He is in love with his own reflection and loves looking at himself in the windows. His favorite food is kettle corn, and for a piece of cheese he will do anything you ask even get in his kennel. He will gladly endure any sort of play with a Baxter-sized sense of humor. This morning we had a bandanna tied around his head like a granny kerchief, which he, and we, found very amusing.
I hate to put him in the kennel, but Baxter hates to be alone. And when he hates to be alone, he gets destructive. And somehow, it's only destructive toward my things (my clothes, shoes, crochet supplies, papers...which incidentally works out well for the rest of the family). He hates when I leave him and I hate leaving him.
He's part kangaroo, part teddy bear. If there's anyone who has his personality I swear to you it's Snoopy from Peanuts.
Baxter, I fully believe was an "I love you" from God. There has been so much hurt and heartache this year, and I was a shell of my former self. What took one man mere hours to wrench from my life, Baxter brought back into it with warmth and pure joy. He knew I was hurting and I think he was hurting too.
I've been through it, but I'm still here and Baxter has everything to do with it.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Thoughts on door knocking...
Just had my door knocked by some Jehovah's witnesses! LOL Usually I don't mind a door knocking, but this was crazy! I have never walked away from a door knocking shaking, trembling with anger. I got called a pharisee and a sinner whose prayer God cannot hear. WHAT? How is that going to bring people to Christ?! I guess that was their fear-up-harsh approach. Little did they know they were knocking on my door and I don't take being beat up with scripture especially in the name of Jesus. It made me sad that they were willing to go door-to-door telling people God could not hear them if they weren't a Jehovah's Witness. So I told her that.
I told her Jesus met needs first before teaching anything. He brought a teaching filled with love foremost, not filled with doom. She told me meeting needs only drudged up "membership numbers" and filled pews with people who mooch off the church. She then told me I was denominational, but couldn't tell me what denomination was. I told her that there were "holy" people who weren't going to make it, and then she called me a Pharisee. I showed her scripture to back up what I was saying and invited her to church and she got ticked and left.
WOW. I have knocked doors before, but what we asked is if they needed anything. We did everything from giving food to people to putting tires on people's cars to helping someone put a roof on. Some came back, some didn't. But we cared for them and carried out work for them before we ever cracked a Bible. If someone wants to learn let them know you care before you do anything otherwise it's hollow. No one wants to feel like a checkbox on your list of things to do before you die.
Does God Hear Sinners? Well...
This concept comes from John 9:31, "We know that God does not listen to sinners." But as with all scripture, we must not take it out of context.
Who said this? Was it God, Jesus, an apostle, or a prophet? No, it was a blind man that Jesus healed who was speaking to the Pharisees. Was he divinely inspired to say such a thing?
From John 9, we see the blind man did not seek out Jesus, but Jesus healed him to teach His disciples a lesson. We can't tell how much knowledge the blind man had of Jesus. He did say Jesus was a prophet (v.17), and had disciples (v.27), but he did not know if Jesus was a sinner or not (v.25). We do know his parent had close ties to the synagogue (v.22), so maybe he heard this concept taught by the Jewish leaders.
So, does God listen to the prayers of sinners?
I hope so, since we have all sinned (1 John 1:8). In the prayer Jesus taught His disciples, He said, "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors" (Matthew 6:12). There is also the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector found in Luke 18. The latter prayed, "God, have mercy on me, a sinner" (v.13). Jesus said, "this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God" (v.14).
Probably the best account of a sinner praying is Cornelius of Acts 10. It says he "prayed
to God regularly" (v.2). Luke records that Cornelius was "devout and God-fearing" (v.2), but he was not a Christian. God sent an angel to him which said, "Your prayers and gifts to the poor have come up as a memorial offering before God" (v.5). Eventually, he heard the gospel from Peter and was baptized.
From these scriptures, we can see that God does listen to the prayers of sinners. And keep in mind, we may be God's answer to those prayers.
Do I think God can have anything to do with sin? No. But I believe that you can be sincere and sincerely wrong, and by telling someone something that will shatter them and perhaps their faith, and their willingness to hear, even with good intention, you're committing a sin as well and maybe more lost than the person you're evangelizing to.
I do believe God can hear anyone. He's God! He cares for everyone. He desperately desires everyone... doesn't matter if you're sinner, Christian, woman, man, black, white, pink, purple or polka dot.
I told her Jesus met needs first before teaching anything. He brought a teaching filled with love foremost, not filled with doom. She told me meeting needs only drudged up "membership numbers" and filled pews with people who mooch off the church. She then told me I was denominational, but couldn't tell me what denomination was. I told her that there were "holy" people who weren't going to make it, and then she called me a Pharisee. I showed her scripture to back up what I was saying and invited her to church and she got ticked and left.
WOW. I have knocked doors before, but what we asked is if they needed anything. We did everything from giving food to people to putting tires on people's cars to helping someone put a roof on. Some came back, some didn't. But we cared for them and carried out work for them before we ever cracked a Bible. If someone wants to learn let them know you care before you do anything otherwise it's hollow. No one wants to feel like a checkbox on your list of things to do before you die.
Does God Hear Sinners? Well...
This concept comes from John 9:31, "We know that God does not listen to sinners." But as with all scripture, we must not take it out of context.
Who said this? Was it God, Jesus, an apostle, or a prophet? No, it was a blind man that Jesus healed who was speaking to the Pharisees. Was he divinely inspired to say such a thing?
From John 9, we see the blind man did not seek out Jesus, but Jesus healed him to teach His disciples a lesson. We can't tell how much knowledge the blind man had of Jesus. He did say Jesus was a prophet (v.17), and had disciples (v.27), but he did not know if Jesus was a sinner or not (v.25). We do know his parent had close ties to the synagogue (v.22), so maybe he heard this concept taught by the Jewish leaders.
So, does God listen to the prayers of sinners?
I hope so, since we have all sinned (1 John 1:8). In the prayer Jesus taught His disciples, He said, "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors" (Matthew 6:12). There is also the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector found in Luke 18. The latter prayed, "God, have mercy on me, a sinner" (v.13). Jesus said, "this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God" (v.14).
Probably the best account of a sinner praying is Cornelius of Acts 10. It says he "prayed
to God regularly" (v.2). Luke records that Cornelius was "devout and God-fearing" (v.2), but he was not a Christian. God sent an angel to him which said, "Your prayers and gifts to the poor have come up as a memorial offering before God" (v.5). Eventually, he heard the gospel from Peter and was baptized.
From these scriptures, we can see that God does listen to the prayers of sinners. And keep in mind, we may be God's answer to those prayers.
Do I think God can have anything to do with sin? No. But I believe that you can be sincere and sincerely wrong, and by telling someone something that will shatter them and perhaps their faith, and their willingness to hear, even with good intention, you're committing a sin as well and maybe more lost than the person you're evangelizing to.
I do believe God can hear anyone. He's God! He cares for everyone. He desperately desires everyone... doesn't matter if you're sinner, Christian, woman, man, black, white, pink, purple or polka dot.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Take Heart Daughter
Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” And the woman was healed at that moment. - Matthew 9:22
Send forth your light and your truth,
let them guide me;
let them bring me to your holy mountain,
to the place where you dwell. - Ps 43:3
Walk about Zion, go around her,
count her towers,
consider well her ramparts,
view her citadels,
that you may tell of them to the next generation.
For this God is our God for ever and ever;
he will be our guide even to the end.- Ps 48:12-14
When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds. -Ps 73:21-28
There are lots of things I can write, but these scriptures say it all. I begin with Jesus... I don't know if any other scripture reads as sweetly to my eyes. Jesus speaks to me through this scripture. When the worst had befallen me, when I was ordinary, unnoticed or avoided by the world, Jesus saw me and crept down in the dust beside me. He found me in the worst of it all. He asked me to believe, to trust, to look to Him. And I did.
I was once lost and tossed in a sea of worry. I was taken under by every wave, each one crashed on me. The difference between me now and me then is this... I'm still in the sea, but now I know to keep holding on. A little longer, a little longer. I wish there was a stronger way to express how I feel but I *know*, I am absolutely certain, God is with me.
We have a big God. We have a faithful God. We have a compassionate, patient God. Everything about God is light, love, truth, peace. He's never done harm to us. He holds us when the world comes crashing down, when it all seems too much, when we've lost everything...even a brother, even a son. He is with me in the darkest pain, in the heaviest, most tormenting heartache. He relieves shame. He cleanses and makes new. He creates and sustains something lasting in you. You can hide yourself in God, you can talk to Him and tell Him everything that's on your heart. You can ask Him to hide you away for a while. And He will. In the Spring something rattled my already shaky heart, and I just asked Him to please take the situation from me and hide me somewhere quiet. And He did. I'm still in the quiet in which He's keeping me.
I ask Him for His guidance, for His wisdom. But you have to be willing. God will guide the willing.
God will take pain from you. It might be an everyday request, but He will do it for you. Ask Him to show you how much He loves you. Be looking for those little love letters from God. I really believe every time I see a bird God sends them to remind me of His love. I love birds, I always have. They remind me of my Grandmother. They remind me of peace and harmony. Today God surprised me with a flock of doves that flew out of tall grass in my back yard. It was beautiful. One time he sent a hummingbird while I was outside praying, and it came literally 4 inches from my face. :)
Don't be troubled. Don't be sad. The God from age to age, from Adam and Moses until now is with you. Surrounding you, protecting you, holding you and hiding you away. He wants to hold onto you, just like a parent longs to hold their baby.
"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Ps 43:5
"You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance." Ps 32:7
Take heart. Each time I read and remember these things it's harder to penetrate my faith.
Send forth your light and your truth,
let them guide me;
let them bring me to your holy mountain,
to the place where you dwell. - Ps 43:3
Walk about Zion, go around her,
count her towers,
consider well her ramparts,
view her citadels,
that you may tell of them to the next generation.
For this God is our God for ever and ever;
he will be our guide even to the end.- Ps 48:12-14
When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds. -Ps 73:21-28
There are lots of things I can write, but these scriptures say it all. I begin with Jesus... I don't know if any other scripture reads as sweetly to my eyes. Jesus speaks to me through this scripture. When the worst had befallen me, when I was ordinary, unnoticed or avoided by the world, Jesus saw me and crept down in the dust beside me. He found me in the worst of it all. He asked me to believe, to trust, to look to Him. And I did.
I was once lost and tossed in a sea of worry. I was taken under by every wave, each one crashed on me. The difference between me now and me then is this... I'm still in the sea, but now I know to keep holding on. A little longer, a little longer. I wish there was a stronger way to express how I feel but I *know*, I am absolutely certain, God is with me.
We have a big God. We have a faithful God. We have a compassionate, patient God. Everything about God is light, love, truth, peace. He's never done harm to us. He holds us when the world comes crashing down, when it all seems too much, when we've lost everything...even a brother, even a son. He is with me in the darkest pain, in the heaviest, most tormenting heartache. He relieves shame. He cleanses and makes new. He creates and sustains something lasting in you. You can hide yourself in God, you can talk to Him and tell Him everything that's on your heart. You can ask Him to hide you away for a while. And He will. In the Spring something rattled my already shaky heart, and I just asked Him to please take the situation from me and hide me somewhere quiet. And He did. I'm still in the quiet in which He's keeping me.
I ask Him for His guidance, for His wisdom. But you have to be willing. God will guide the willing.
God will take pain from you. It might be an everyday request, but He will do it for you. Ask Him to show you how much He loves you. Be looking for those little love letters from God. I really believe every time I see a bird God sends them to remind me of His love. I love birds, I always have. They remind me of my Grandmother. They remind me of peace and harmony. Today God surprised me with a flock of doves that flew out of tall grass in my back yard. It was beautiful. One time he sent a hummingbird while I was outside praying, and it came literally 4 inches from my face. :)
Don't be troubled. Don't be sad. The God from age to age, from Adam and Moses until now is with you. Surrounding you, protecting you, holding you and hiding you away. He wants to hold onto you, just like a parent longs to hold their baby.
"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Ps 43:5
"You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance." Ps 32:7
Take heart. Each time I read and remember these things it's harder to penetrate my faith.
The Reason
After they had mocked him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him away to crucify him.
When they had crucified him, they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
Pilate had a notice prepared and fastened to the cross. It read: JESUS OF NAZARETH, THE KING OF THE JEWS.
Those who passed by hurled insults at him, shaking their heads and saying, “You who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days, save yourself! Come down from the cross, if you are the Son of God!”
About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”) And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.
Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: “Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree.”
But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ...and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.
May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.
Matthew 27:31,35; John 19:19; Matthew 27:39, 40, 46, 50; Galatians 3:13; Eph 2:13; Colossians 1:20; Galatians 6:14.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Changing Applesauce.
Wow... what a weird month. Good month, blessed month. It's just interesting to watch God stripping something unhealthy from me. For once (LOL) It's nothing I did.
Sometimes you start down a path that in the moment brings a lot of good into your life. You learn a lot about yourself and a lot of lessons. Then all of a sudden the road needs repaving. You're hitting all kinds of pot holes and suddenly you wish you were on a different way to the final destination. That's been me for the past few months. Something I really wanted to do with all of my heart just wasn't right anymore. Others continually put stumbling blocks under my feet, and purposely made it difficult for me to do the best job I could. Maybe I could handle this if I were a few months more recovered but I just cannot devote all of me to handling this crisis. The first person I need to care for right now is myself. Nothing about it is easy. Nothing. I know it's necessary. I know God wants to pull me under His mighty wing and shelter me for a while, care for me for a while, strengthen me for a while.
My husband asked me to please step back from how far into it I was. He could tell. He asked me to work on me. At first I fought it, I have my kids, and I have him, and it's a lot to care for. But he persisted to trust him to handle those things. He said it was all right to rest. And to be honest, I don't think it was just him speaking to me in that moment.
I got into the College of Charleston, one of the best public schools in the country. And I'm going. I'm moving.
When I explained this a few people close to me fuh-reeeaked out. Which hurt. I've done a lot of crying and praying over this decision and I do believe I'm not wrong to seize the moment to step back from everyone else and step forward for myself.
So here it goes...
Sometimes you start down a path that in the moment brings a lot of good into your life. You learn a lot about yourself and a lot of lessons. Then all of a sudden the road needs repaving. You're hitting all kinds of pot holes and suddenly you wish you were on a different way to the final destination. That's been me for the past few months. Something I really wanted to do with all of my heart just wasn't right anymore. Others continually put stumbling blocks under my feet, and purposely made it difficult for me to do the best job I could. Maybe I could handle this if I were a few months more recovered but I just cannot devote all of me to handling this crisis. The first person I need to care for right now is myself. Nothing about it is easy. Nothing. I know it's necessary. I know God wants to pull me under His mighty wing and shelter me for a while, care for me for a while, strengthen me for a while.
My husband asked me to please step back from how far into it I was. He could tell. He asked me to work on me. At first I fought it, I have my kids, and I have him, and it's a lot to care for. But he persisted to trust him to handle those things. He said it was all right to rest. And to be honest, I don't think it was just him speaking to me in that moment.
I got into the College of Charleston, one of the best public schools in the country. And I'm going. I'm moving.
When I explained this a few people close to me fuh-reeeaked out. Which hurt. I've done a lot of crying and praying over this decision and I do believe I'm not wrong to seize the moment to step back from everyone else and step forward for myself.
So here it goes...
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Onward and Upward
For 10 years my life has sat on a shelf collecting dust. I have been somewhat satisfied to just leave it there, mostly because chasing your dreams is scary. If you fail, that's it. End of dream. Or amend dream, or find new dream.
I've got a lot of things I aspire to be or do. Life is actually easy to lead without having to look at where you want to ultimately end up, and for the most part I have been satisfied with not realizing them yet. I've lived in the moment for 10 years and while it's been valuable time this girl is dying inside.
I've had the time to earn some real life experiences and now it seems I've gotten everything I need to move forward. I'm glad that I've let the dreams sit there for years on a shelf because frankly, I wouldn't have trusted my dreams in the hands of my 18 year old self.
Suddenly everything I want carries more weight, it has a heaviness that resounds with importance and I'm not sure I understood that ten years ago.
I am done putting myself on a shelf. I am ready to move forward. I'm ready for major change. I am cutting some things that are superfluous from my life, and filling up the space with difference. Weighing my options, I know where I want to be. I want to be in school. I want an education. Like Great Grandma always said, education is the one thing a man can never steal from you. I want to be home. I want to be in Charleston. I am doing what it's going to take to get me home, to be in my city, to learn and know more.
I'm telling everyone to expect it. Praying God will allow the change to happen and to move me forward onto bigger things and greater understanding of the woman He made me to be.
Onward.
I've got a lot of things I aspire to be or do. Life is actually easy to lead without having to look at where you want to ultimately end up, and for the most part I have been satisfied with not realizing them yet. I've lived in the moment for 10 years and while it's been valuable time this girl is dying inside.
I've had the time to earn some real life experiences and now it seems I've gotten everything I need to move forward. I'm glad that I've let the dreams sit there for years on a shelf because frankly, I wouldn't have trusted my dreams in the hands of my 18 year old self.
Suddenly everything I want carries more weight, it has a heaviness that resounds with importance and I'm not sure I understood that ten years ago.
I am done putting myself on a shelf. I am ready to move forward. I'm ready for major change. I am cutting some things that are superfluous from my life, and filling up the space with difference. Weighing my options, I know where I want to be. I want to be in school. I want an education. Like Great Grandma always said, education is the one thing a man can never steal from you. I want to be home. I want to be in Charleston. I am doing what it's going to take to get me home, to be in my city, to learn and know more.
I'm telling everyone to expect it. Praying God will allow the change to happen and to move me forward onto bigger things and greater understanding of the woman He made me to be.
Onward.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Camp Applesauce, a love letter to my kids.
:) Dear Youth Group Kiddos,
SO as you know I didn't have a lot of time to write to all of you and put letters in the love box. Consider this my open letter to all of you.
This year at camp was interesting to say the least. The first year I got to go with my teens without Cecil, and it was definitely lots of trial and error. I wish I had more time to devote to you this year, but kitchen duties had me split in time and I ended up spending way less time with my kids than I ever have before. It was awful, and such a learning experience at the same time.
Mostly because I learned through the "Get in the Car" theme that culinary, if I wasn't sure before, is not my lane! LOL I did great. Food was great, on time, and we had barely a hiccup in the physical prep of meals. But it was agonizing having you (my kids) ask me to go be with you and worship with you, study with you, and not be able to do it because of my head cook commitments. I love to cook, I do. I am skilled. I have all the knowledge and lots more to run a successful kitchen... but it just is not the path God wants me on. And He taught me this year that I need to be with my ministry. It sucked feeling like I had forsaken you for a better part of camp.
But at the same time I feel like we really bonded this year because we missed each other. Terribly missed each other. I got a few moments with each of my kids privately and got caught up on what is going on with them in their lives. And I got a great bonding experience with Catt during a 8 hour ER visit :) Poor baby! It is funny to think that was the highlight of my camp experience this year because Andre, Cat and I got a lot of time to bond and talk and laugh. It was nice not to think of the kitchen and focus on ministering to her and encouraging her. She is such a special, beautiful girl.
Brooke and I had lots of time to cry and bond and rediscover that it's ok to reach out and trust. We share a life story that not many would want, but I know God is walking you through a wilderness and strengthening you, I can't wait to see your faith ignite. Brendan --we had lots of mother/son moments :D I appreciate that you trust me enough to seek my counsel. You are strong and growing in God's love. Stacy could make me smile even on my most stressful day with her optimism and strength. You can stand in the face of adversity and walk forward. Not all of us can say we can thrive in such circumstances, but you show us it's possible. Cody led his first public prayer, and did tremendously. He has found a respect for me, and I for him, and he's like my boy. He is so sweet. He did more than I can say to reach out and provide comfort to our kids my mini-encourager in the making! Tiffany, my sweet, bright light of happiness. You are so positive and a force of joy to be reckoned with. Seeing her each day and hearing her encourage me made the separation from my group easier (awful but easier). Audrey, my beautiful girl. She is my quiet proverbs woman. Winning others over with your gentle and quiet spirit, you are leading your peers by example. She walks the walk before talking the talk. Wow, blows me away! Keith, the peace of our group. You smile and carry on and lighten the mood with humor and laughter. He keeps me grounded and focused and helps me not to take things too seriously, reminds me constantly God is with us always. Preston and Graham. --Preston you blew me away this year. You are thoughtful and focused and deep. You know what God wants and expects from you and you examine carefully before stepping forward. I wish more of us considered this before we jumped in over our heads. Graham you can speak plainly the life God has shown you, and I have so much respect for you. You are truly wise beyond years, even though I'm not sure you realize it. Together, your song brought us all to a closer understanding of how God is calling us to Him. It was beautiful and simple and eloquent at the same time. I could not be prouder. I kept looking at Jess going, those are MY kids!!!
You all have grown by leaps and bounds in the last year. I love serving you. I love you. I am so PROUD of all of you. You all make this choice to get in the trenches with the teens worth it. It isn't easy, but it's worth it. Jonathan and I are looking forward to the future with all of you. We can't wait to see what the next year brings.
Thank you Brooke, Catt, Preston, Graham, Keith, Stacy, Tiffany, Brendan, Audrey and Cody. You make me endlessly proud!
See ya on Wednesday!
Love,
Ashley
SO as you know I didn't have a lot of time to write to all of you and put letters in the love box. Consider this my open letter to all of you.
This year at camp was interesting to say the least. The first year I got to go with my teens without Cecil, and it was definitely lots of trial and error. I wish I had more time to devote to you this year, but kitchen duties had me split in time and I ended up spending way less time with my kids than I ever have before. It was awful, and such a learning experience at the same time.
Mostly because I learned through the "Get in the Car" theme that culinary, if I wasn't sure before, is not my lane! LOL I did great. Food was great, on time, and we had barely a hiccup in the physical prep of meals. But it was agonizing having you (my kids) ask me to go be with you and worship with you, study with you, and not be able to do it because of my head cook commitments. I love to cook, I do. I am skilled. I have all the knowledge and lots more to run a successful kitchen... but it just is not the path God wants me on. And He taught me this year that I need to be with my ministry. It sucked feeling like I had forsaken you for a better part of camp.
But at the same time I feel like we really bonded this year because we missed each other. Terribly missed each other. I got a few moments with each of my kids privately and got caught up on what is going on with them in their lives. And I got a great bonding experience with Catt during a 8 hour ER visit :) Poor baby! It is funny to think that was the highlight of my camp experience this year because Andre, Cat and I got a lot of time to bond and talk and laugh. It was nice not to think of the kitchen and focus on ministering to her and encouraging her. She is such a special, beautiful girl.
Brooke and I had lots of time to cry and bond and rediscover that it's ok to reach out and trust. We share a life story that not many would want, but I know God is walking you through a wilderness and strengthening you, I can't wait to see your faith ignite. Brendan --we had lots of mother/son moments :D I appreciate that you trust me enough to seek my counsel. You are strong and growing in God's love. Stacy could make me smile even on my most stressful day with her optimism and strength. You can stand in the face of adversity and walk forward. Not all of us can say we can thrive in such circumstances, but you show us it's possible. Cody led his first public prayer, and did tremendously. He has found a respect for me, and I for him, and he's like my boy. He is so sweet. He did more than I can say to reach out and provide comfort to our kids my mini-encourager in the making! Tiffany, my sweet, bright light of happiness. You are so positive and a force of joy to be reckoned with. Seeing her each day and hearing her encourage me made the separation from my group easier (awful but easier). Audrey, my beautiful girl. She is my quiet proverbs woman. Winning others over with your gentle and quiet spirit, you are leading your peers by example. She walks the walk before talking the talk. Wow, blows me away! Keith, the peace of our group. You smile and carry on and lighten the mood with humor and laughter. He keeps me grounded and focused and helps me not to take things too seriously, reminds me constantly God is with us always. Preston and Graham. --Preston you blew me away this year. You are thoughtful and focused and deep. You know what God wants and expects from you and you examine carefully before stepping forward. I wish more of us considered this before we jumped in over our heads. Graham you can speak plainly the life God has shown you, and I have so much respect for you. You are truly wise beyond years, even though I'm not sure you realize it. Together, your song brought us all to a closer understanding of how God is calling us to Him. It was beautiful and simple and eloquent at the same time. I could not be prouder. I kept looking at Jess going, those are MY kids!!!
You all have grown by leaps and bounds in the last year. I love serving you. I love you. I am so PROUD of all of you. You all make this choice to get in the trenches with the teens worth it. It isn't easy, but it's worth it. Jonathan and I are looking forward to the future with all of you. We can't wait to see what the next year brings.
Thank you Brooke, Catt, Preston, Graham, Keith, Stacy, Tiffany, Brendan, Audrey and Cody. You make me endlessly proud!
See ya on Wednesday!
Love,
Ashley
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Forgiveness in a Car.
I will be honest. I really believed it wasn't possible. I wanted it very much to be possible, but how in the world can a person recover from this? Not just hurt, but trauma. Not just sadness, but unrelenting torment. I liked the idea of forgiveness from a point of, I know God requires this of me... but disliked the idea because I (wrongly) believed that if I forgave it was like saying that person had the right to do that to me. And why should I forgive someone who sees no problem with what they did? They don't care how much that it terrorized me. Why? They don't deserve it. Worse, HOW God? How am I to forgive something so tragically terrible it will haunt me for the rest of my life?
How did I do it? How do I continue to do it.
Let me just say, this is a continuous decision. I realized a little while ago that forgiveness was going to be something I would need to lay down at the foot of the cross each day. For a smaller thing, perhaps I could decide to let it go. I've had experience with forgiving for the small, but forgiving for something so mightily wounding--- never.
I grieved. I grieved for everything I had lost. I grieved for the loss of feeling safe, for the physical trauma, for the mental instability which haunted me for weeks (and honestly, still sometimes feel). I couldn't escape it, so I let it consume me. Which sounds like a bad thing--and it wasn't at all easy or fun. I would never, ever want to do it again. But God stayed with me in that black time. That black darkness where I could not feel Him, or hear Him, or see Him. All I could see was the torment of grief and Satan circling me, reminding me. But I could see Him present through my past, and knew, Lord You ARE here. I grieved, I got angry. And God held me, like an emotional child who cannot understand.
I accepted. It happened. There was no going back. There was no changing it. I am not the person I was before it, but that didn't have to be a negative thing. God...take it, make it something stronger in me.
I could finally place myself somewhere forgiving. I think of that scripture where Jesus commands to pray for an enemy (Luke 6:28). There's only one way I could think of to forgive at first. It was to pray that God would open the heart of the person who hurt me, and help him to receive the love that will stop him from hurting others. I stopped praying for destruction, and started praying that God would bless by opening eyes and hearts. If he can't see how he had wronged me, help him to see how he wronged You Lord. I hope for the best, I pray for the best for him, which is a total change of behavior, a strong enough heart to confess guilt if not to an authority, than to someone, and to find the salvation of Jesus to put an end to sin and a beginning to a better path.
WHY would I forgive? I know--- it seems bizarre and totally against human nature. It seems crazy.
Why--
1. It makes me feel better.
2- It removes me from being in the darkness and separation I feel from my Father. It removes me from the trauma and fear. It removes me from being weighed down by anguish. It sets me free. Forgiveness gives you a taste of what it's like to be God. God is happy to forgive. Love forgives, God forgives. He forgives us because it gives Him pleasure to do so. I want to be happy. I want to be freed of the snare of hate.
3- When you don't forgive your life becomes dark. Forgiveness shines a bright light. A night light in a child's room gives them peace. Forgiveness gives peace.
4- Forgiveness moves faith forward. I was cruising along, I thought I had my ducks in a row. I thought I had this whole faith thing figured out. I was prepared spiritually. And out of nowhere, WHAM! The car didn't just get a flat, it flipped. When the dust settled, there I was hanging upside down in my vehicle wondering what in the world just happened. Dazed, hurt, suffering. I will thank God that I was prepared spiritually, I had that seat belt on. I was badly hurt, but I was alive. I've been through it, but I am still here. I wondered for a while how am I to repair all of this? How can I get back up there on the road? I didn't know. Eventually, Forgiveness made it clear. Everything came into focus.
I was able to put myself in a forgiving place and I saw God there beside me upside down too. And it was then I realized, He was in the driver's seat. He held onto me as the car flipped. He protected me from the full impact. He is everything. I was at least wise enough to let Him drive a few years ago. Thank God for that. He gently put it all back together....roadside assistance. He healed the bruises, the brokenness like a paramedic, but greater.
Forgiveness allows me to see where God is. It reminds me that no, the road is never going to be free of debris, free of wreckless drivers, free of those with road rage. Forgiveness allows me to see that the promise is that He'll stay with me, hold me, take care of me, and help me to move forward again.
Thank You God for bringing me through this. We have a long way to go, and I'm not perfect. But hey, You know that and me, better than anybody. Thank You God for staying with me. Thank You God for freeing me. Thank You God for delivering me. Thank You God for putting me back on the road and back on the journey. Thank You for loving me. Thank You for Your forgiveness. Thank You God, Thank You, for everything. Thank You God for drawing near.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Berean Applesauce
I really struggle to read my Bible. Not just on a daily basis, but on a regular basis. You know the kind of reading I mean? The kind where you are reading for yourself the story of God, not just researching for a Bible lesson or a quick scripture reference. I hate to admit this, but sometimes my dear Bible is lost under a pile of dirty clothes or under a stack of books. Even under the books about God by others.
A lot of times it's easier to go on the teachings of our brothers and sisters and their amazing faith than to be in the Word. I don't mean faith by hearing isn't good, but faith built solely on the words of others is hollow. It can be really easy to misunderstand a scripture if you aren't the one reading it and basing your faith solely off of someone else.
Today in church my friend and preacher Papa C talked with me about how important it is to really be reading the full story of God. Read this:
Acts 17:11
Welcome Back!
I love this scripture about the Bereans. It's one that I've heard a bunch, and it's always been a good reminder to read the scriptures. Although, for many years... I would say even up until this morning I had not considered (though it was pretty obvious!) that the Bereans weren't reading the gospels. They weren't reading the account of Jesus. They were looking at Jewish scripture and prophesy. Wow. How important is that knowledge?
It puts into context the entire purpose of the Bible. Old Testament and New Testament are pulled together and you see the whole picture when you realize that the entire Bible is God's love story for us. Without the knowledge of Jews looking at Jewish scripture, you miss the fact that they were seeing how mighty and powerful Jesus was and how God had planned this from the beginning.
Read this:
Ephesians 6:10-17
I have heard teachers say to me a lot of times, oh Paul was talking about the Roman soldier. He was illustrating his point by describing the armor of a Roman soldier. Actually, no. He wasn't. I know a soldier is a soldier, and maybe that is what some of them were picturing. But more than likely those noble characters were searching these scriptures:
Isaiah 11:5
Isaiah 59:15-17
He was talking about JESUS! He was describing the unquenchable, burning love of our Savior and how mightily HE SAVED! I don't know about you, but reading about Jesus the soldier vs. Roman dude is way more exciting. It puts it all together for me. The greek word used to describe the whole armor is "panoply," like that verse from Soldiers of Christ, Arise, that says "but take to arm you for the fight, the panoply of God."
Papa C looks at me and says, "how many of us sing that song and wonder, what the heck is a panoply?" LOL. Oh my gosh, me! Arm yourself for the fight with the whole armor of God! Prepare your armor with a complete knowledge of scripture... not just to use in everyday life, but to understand how much God loves you.
Sometimes even our Bible teachers, while well intentioned, can confuse us if we don't get in the Word. Obviously my Bible teacher came from a long line of confused because I can remember coloring a picture of a Roman soldier that said "the whole armor of God". lol. She didn't realize where that scripture came from any more than I did.
When you read the Bible, you learn something new every time. Even if what you're learning is that you don't know a lot! But that's ok, God takes you where He wants you, which is right by His side. You could almost say he was dropping bread crumbs for you all along the way through the scriptures. You gotta follow the trail from the beginning. He wants to show you how deeply, longingly, desperately He loves YOU. All of you. Crazy you. Messed up, wonderful you. Just like a soldier He battles for your soul. He will not forsake you. From your first to final breath He pursues you with an unstoppable love.
But don't take my word for it! Read it.
A lot of times it's easier to go on the teachings of our brothers and sisters and their amazing faith than to be in the Word. I don't mean faith by hearing isn't good, but faith built solely on the words of others is hollow. It can be really easy to misunderstand a scripture if you aren't the one reading it and basing your faith solely off of someone else.
Today in church my friend and preacher Papa C talked with me about how important it is to really be reading the full story of God. Read this:
Acts 17:11
Welcome Back!
I love this scripture about the Bereans. It's one that I've heard a bunch, and it's always been a good reminder to read the scriptures. Although, for many years... I would say even up until this morning I had not considered (though it was pretty obvious!) that the Bereans weren't reading the gospels. They weren't reading the account of Jesus. They were looking at Jewish scripture and prophesy. Wow. How important is that knowledge?
It puts into context the entire purpose of the Bible. Old Testament and New Testament are pulled together and you see the whole picture when you realize that the entire Bible is God's love story for us. Without the knowledge of Jews looking at Jewish scripture, you miss the fact that they were seeing how mighty and powerful Jesus was and how God had planned this from the beginning.
Read this:
Ephesians 6:10-17
I have heard teachers say to me a lot of times, oh Paul was talking about the Roman soldier. He was illustrating his point by describing the armor of a Roman soldier. Actually, no. He wasn't. I know a soldier is a soldier, and maybe that is what some of them were picturing. But more than likely those noble characters were searching these scriptures:
Isaiah 11:5
Isaiah 59:15-17
He was talking about JESUS! He was describing the unquenchable, burning love of our Savior and how mightily HE SAVED! I don't know about you, but reading about Jesus the soldier vs. Roman dude is way more exciting. It puts it all together for me. The greek word used to describe the whole armor is "panoply," like that verse from Soldiers of Christ, Arise, that says "but take to arm you for the fight, the panoply of God."
Papa C looks at me and says, "how many of us sing that song and wonder, what the heck is a panoply?" LOL. Oh my gosh, me! Arm yourself for the fight with the whole armor of God! Prepare your armor with a complete knowledge of scripture... not just to use in everyday life, but to understand how much God loves you.
Sometimes even our Bible teachers, while well intentioned, can confuse us if we don't get in the Word. Obviously my Bible teacher came from a long line of confused because I can remember coloring a picture of a Roman soldier that said "the whole armor of God". lol. She didn't realize where that scripture came from any more than I did.
When you read the Bible, you learn something new every time. Even if what you're learning is that you don't know a lot! But that's ok, God takes you where He wants you, which is right by His side. You could almost say he was dropping bread crumbs for you all along the way through the scriptures. You gotta follow the trail from the beginning. He wants to show you how deeply, longingly, desperately He loves YOU. All of you. Crazy you. Messed up, wonderful you. Just like a soldier He battles for your soul. He will not forsake you. From your first to final breath He pursues you with an unstoppable love.
But don't take my word for it! Read it.
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